Meat Horns: For The Viking In All Of Us

Okay, full disclosure here. Thanks to my mom, I grew up thinking that cream horn pastries were the coolest thing on the planet, even if the ones at the local Wal-Mart tasted... very mass produced. So what's the first thing I do when I'm in a legitimate kitchen supply store that sells more than just pans and measuring cups? I hunt down the cream horn forms.

With the intent to make wonderful sweet things, I rushed home in excitement, but... then my plans took a little bit of a detour. I got home and discovered that I needed to make dinner in general, and, as much as I would have loved to have done it, I couldn't do just pastries for dinner -- my poor husband would starve. I still wanted to make use of the forms I had just bought, so I got a little bit creative.

I give you meat horns! No, no, you gotta say it like the Ricola commercial. (Bonus points for anyone who uploads a video of someone saying "meat horns" like said advertisement and links to it in the comments.) Wonderful cheesy meaty goodness stuffed into glorious homemade bread. Anyone that's got people coming over for a Memorial Day fooding, this is what you need. They make for some really good finger food.

Equipment:

• Cream Horn Forms
• Baking Sheet
• Mixing Bowl & Spoon --OR-- Bread Machine
  • Can you guess which one I used?
• Knife or Pastry Cutter Wheel
• Rolling Pin
• Cutting Board
• Paper Towels
• Skillet
• Spatula
• Small Spoon

Ingredients:

• 1 lb Ground Meat
• 1 Box Bread Mix
  • Sour Dough works amazing here, but "Country White" also works. I used a Krusteaz branded mix
• Butter, Melted
  • Okay, confession. I was a total bum and used spray butter
• 1tsp Garlic Powder
• 1tsp Onion Powder
• Pinch of Salt (Optional)
• 1tsp Worcester Sauce
• 1c "Fancy" Shredded Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese
• All Purpose Flour
• Spray Grease
  • The edible kind, not the WD40 kind. That stuff tastes terrible. And it may be flammable?

Before I get started here, I suppose that I should make a clarification. I've mentioned some specialty equipment here, and for those of you that don't know what cream horn forms are, this is them:

I want to make it clear that I didn't take this picture, nor was I involved. I just happened to find it in my camera roll after my husband cleaned up the kitchen. I'm honestly trying not to fall out of my chair from laughing. In other news, they also make great claws in the event of a random Halloween costume event.

Shenanigans aside, this recipe as a little bit of a lead time, mostly because it works best with fresh bread dough. For the most part, you're going to want to follow the directions on the box for the bread dough, minus the baking it part. For some of you, that'll mean putting the bread machine on "dough" mode, whereas others of you have a lot more hands-on time involved. Or, if it's your thing, go totally from scratch. Just be forewarned that you'll want a nice dense bread when this is all said and done with, so whatever that takes.

Long live the bread machine.

Once you've got the dough, you'll want to cover your cutting board in a light coat of flour, along with your rolling pin. Trust me, it'll be a nightmare if the stuff sticks. But, as my first time making these will tell you, if you over do the flour, the dough won't stick to itself and chaos will ensue. 

Dump the dough out onto the cutting board (hopefully you're using a large one), and, using flour as needed, get the dough rolled out to about an eighth of an inch thick, and at least 12 inches in one direction. It will fight with you a bit, but be patient. From there, cut strips long ways, about an inch thick. 

You'll want to apply a mild layer of grease to the cream horn forms before wrapping them in dough. I've found that spraying a paper towel with the grease and then gently patting the form works well. Much more than that, and the dough winds up on the floor. Also, due to the shape of the form, spraying them directly isn't recommended. In related news, the water dispenser panel on my fridge is very slippery right now.

Starting at the smaller end of the form, start rolling the dough around the form, making it overlap just slightly. Don't worry if it's not perfectly aligned... it'll bake right up together. Also, note that the easiest way I've found thus far is to put the dough strip on the table, put the form on the dough strip, and slowly roll it up from there. You'll want to make sure that the pointy end is sealed shut pretty nicely, otherwise the meat is going to slide right out the bottom. Also, make sure that the open end isn't obstructed... you'll want to be able to get the form back out. Unless eating pointy bits of metal is your thing. At which point you should probably see a doctor. Urges to eat non-food items is an actual medical condition called Pica, and it's quite serious.

It'll take some practice to get these right

Spray down the baking sheet with grease as well, and line up your completed dough horns about two inches apart, as you finish them. It works best if you manage to get them to stay seam side down. On convection bake, these only took about half as long as the instructions recommended for baking time, which makes sense given that the surface area is much greater than the standard dough loaf lump. When they're about 5 minutes from being done, carefully coat the horns in butter and put them back in the oven. 

While the dough is cooking, scramble fry the meat, like you're making tacos. When it's mostly done cooking, drain off the fat (as posted previously, NOT down the drain), and return to burner. Make sure you shake off as much grease as possible, otherwise you'll be looking at soggy grease horns for dinner instead of meat horns. Season with worchester sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, and salt. When the meat's fully done, turn off the heat and stir in the cheese until everything's all good and melty. Put to the side.

Switch gears again. Once the dough horns have cooled enough to handle, carefully remove the cream horn form. They seem to come out fairly easily with a gentle twist. If yours has an open seam like mine do, make sure that you twist in such a way that you don't dig the upper piece of metal into the bread.

From here, all you've got to do is transfer the cheesy meat mix into the bread horns. I found it's easiest to start with a small spoon and gradually press little bits of meat down into the horn. You've got to be careful with how you use the spoon, though, or else you'll wind up stabbing clean through the side of the bread.

Now, try not to wind up in a food coma, eh?

Bacon Rangoons: Not Feeling Crabby Tonight

Whoo, it's good to be back. This week has been crazy! Been having to pretty much marathon various graduations and similar events. Now that I'm back safely out of all the rushing hoards of people, I want to congratulate everyone that leveled up over the last few weeks. Most importantly, though, I want to give a huge high-five to my sister, who made top of her graduating class. You did it kid! Yeah! To celebrate sis's achievements, I'm going to do a feature involving one of her favorite foods: bacon.

Much like the cheeseburger eggrolls I featured a while back, these wonderful deep fried pockets of awesomeness were also the result of having worked at the aforementioned Asian buffet. I can't really do shellfish thanks to that magical property called "allergies," but I love cream cheese. Especially fried cream cheese. Working there was a constant battle between the urge to gorge myself on fried cream cheese and that little whisper that said "Kid, you too broke for a hospital bill. Don't do stupid things." Fast forward through many shifts of self control and sub the meat around, and you get some absolutely delicious crab-free crab-free wonderment.

Equipment:

• Deep fryer With A Lid
• Small Pot
• Whisk
• Knife 
• Cutting Board
• Mixing Bowl and Spoon OR Mixer
  • Long live the Kitchenaid Mixer!
• Small Prep Bowl

Rangoons:

• Egg Roll Wrappers, Quartered
  • Into squares, not strips, unless you've got some really fancy origami planned. Wonton wrappers work as well.
• 8oz Block Cream Cheese, Softened
• 3-4 Sprigs Green Onion, Minced
• 1tsp Garlic Powder
• 2Tbsp Cooked Bacon, Finely Crumbled
  • I was a total bum and went with bacon bits (real bacon, not the textured soy protein ones... no word on if that actually works well). If you want to use bacon strips, you can expedite the crumbling via blender or food processor. Just make sure that you've patted off all the fat and oil first
• Water

Sauce:

• 8Tbsp Apricot Preserves
• 2tsp Soy Sauce
• 1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
• Green Onions, Sliced For Garnish

For the rangoons, put the cream cheese, green onion, garlic, and, the star ingredient, bacon, into your mixing device. Now the important part.  You're either with the machines or with the humans, and your choice of side dictates what power you get to harness. Take a side. Mix the ingredients until well combined.

Once the filling is ready, take about a teaspoon and a half worth of filling and place it in the center of one of the egg roll pieces. Wet down the edges of the wrapper and seal it shut via your choice of folding method. I usually skip the frog shape that most rangoons I've seen seem to channel and head straight for something more dog-head-shaped, mostly because there's less bits to get unevenly cooked or stuck in the fryer basket grating.

I can't look at this without thinking of the "Bacon,
bacon, BACON!!" commercial. Fitting, if you ask me.

You've got plenty of time to get creative with your folding method and polish it as needed, since the innards mix is going to last for quite a bit. The biggest thing is just making sure that the edges are fully sealed, or else you're going to wind up having to scrape burnt on cheesy bits off the inside of the deep fryer. Blegh. Trust me, you don't want to do that. Seal these puppies (pun only somewhat intended) like your life depends on it. Several hours of it may.

Once you've finished out your ranks, you can start frying. Make sure that these don't get stuck together in the fryer basket... it gets kind of hairy if that happens. Okay, not hairy. More like mutated and conjoined. That's the more accurate words for it. It'll only take a few minutes for the frying to complete. Golden brown is what you're shooting for. When they're done, let them drain. My favorite method is on a cooling rack with a towel beneath. 

Now, the sauce for these things is optional. They're quite good as is. The sauce is really sweet, but I thought it brought out the flavor of the bacon. Once again, I've been assisted by my army of minions in making this particular condiment. Not entirely sure that this is what Aimee meant when she suggested the ingredient list, but I felt that it turned out well. Thanks again, kid!

The key part with the sauce is not letting the rangoons get cold while making it. And you can't really make it ahead of time, as the fruit pectin in the preserves causes it to thicken up very quickly as it cools down (and thus is best served hot). As a matter of fact, it's probably best to summon your own minion assistance (of valid assisting age) take over either the rangoon frying or the sauce making, so that both can be completed at the same time.

Put the apricot preserves into the pot on low, whisking constantly. As the preserves melt, you'll want to pick out the bigger pieces of fruit. Pretty much, if you go with a cheap jar of preserves that mostly has purreed fruit, your job here is going to be much easier. When everything's all melty and defruitified, whisk in the soy sauce and the garlic powder. Pour out and consume when it reaches a safe temperature, garnishing with green onions if desired. 

Lastly, you've just got to endure the feud that will inevitably break out over the last piece. Or, for those of you more survival-oriented, you could totally abide by rule number one and grab the plate and high tail it to an isolated location to eat in peace. Just remember to limber up first. 

Lightsaber Churros -- Say More, Need I?

Happy Star Wars Day, everybody! To celebrate the joyous day when we nerd-types celebrate one of the greatest stories ever brought to film (and bemoan the wallets offered as sacrifice for multitudes of associated memorabilia), the folks here at Epic Feasts have taken sides and brought you some amazing Star Wars-themed food. Mr. Lucas, if you're reading this, we salute you.

Which side will you choose?

This originally started out as a take on the red velvet churros that have been circulating the internet. And, to be honest, that's what the Sith weaponry here are, minus the filling and plus some chocolate hilts, as described later. The Jedi sabers, though, were a bit more difficult than the path to the dark side. That's what you'll see played out here.

If you're ready to build your lightsaber, you can proceed.

Equipment:

• 4qt Sauce Pot
• Electric Hand Mixer
  • If you want to cross into the wrong universe here and summon your inner Hulk to tackle the dough that's going to be coming out of this, go right ahead. Just make sure that Disney doesn't get the crossover contagion from you, okay?
• Stir Spoon
• Piping Bag
  • You could also likely get away with a large zipper bag by cutting off one of the corners, but I can tell you right now, that if you use a cheap bag, it's going to suffer a blowout.
• Star Tip
  • I used a Wilton 6B tip
• Small Round Tip
• Coupler (optional)
• Deep Fryer with Lid
• Cooling Rack
• Cookie Sheet
• Parchment Paper
• Microwave Safe Bowl --OR-- Fondue Pot

Ingredients:

• 1 Box Pilsbury Extra Moist Vanilla Cake Mix
  • The original recipe called for 1c of cake mix, and with red velvet, that worked. But somehow this wind up taking the whole thing to get the right consistency. Oh well, whatever.
• 2 Eggs
• 2c Water
• 1/4c White Granulated Sugar
• 4tbsp butter
  • Or your favorite not-butter. I used a vegetable spread. Just do a quick check to make sure that it doesn't have cornstarch in it. That'll cause all kinds of problems.
• 1c All Purpose Flour
• Food Coloring
• Almond Bark or Wilton Candy Melts
• Black Frosting
  • Just save yourself the trouble and buy this pre-made. Black frosting is nearly impossible to get right. Plus, if you get the Wilton-branded squeeze tubes, you can just add the tip onto the end with a standard-sized coupler ring and minimize cleanup.

Start out with the butter, water, and sugar in the sauce pot, and get them to a boiling point, making sure to stir constantly, because sugar likes to scorch. This is also the point of the show where you'll want to add your food coloring in, as it'll become MUCH harder to do later. Those of you that actually follow along with the Star Wars lore know *exactly* what color you want to use.

When the boiling happens, pull the pan off the heat and break out the electric mixer, being careful not to melt the cord. Mix in the eggs, cake mix, and flour. You're aiming for a middle-thickness dough. Kind of like thick frosting. Make sure everything's all mixed in though, and if your dough winds up a bit on the thin side, feel free to incrementally add more flour.

Turns out the red velvet looks about like meat paste

Let that cool for a bit, to where it's cool enough to handle, but still a bit warm. Now, this next bit is going to rely a bit on some icing skills. If you're unfamiliar, Crafy Baking looks to have a pretty good tutorial, but be aware that they use a disposable piping bag.

Load the dough into the piping bag, pre-fitted with the star tip and corresponding coupler. Not all of the dough is going to fit at once... you can always refill the bag, but not if you detonate it from overloading. Pack the dough fairly tightly to avoid air bubbles, but be aware that you can get dough going straight out the open tip end and wind up tie-dying your feet.

Then, on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, slowly pipe out tubes of dough. You can get these about 6in long or so before it starts causing a problem, but the biggest factor is going to be the size of your deep fryer. This is ultimately the point of the show where you decide if you're going to jump on the Kylo train or not, but again, just remember that you're going to have to fry whatever you draw. So keep that in mind.

Pop the cookie sheet with your fresh lightsaber blades into the freezer for an hour (the original recipe called for half an hour, but maybe I have a wimpy freezer). You want them to be quite stiff when they come out. If you can touch the ruffles and make them go down without a lot of pressure, they're not stiff enough.

[Editor's note: check ahead of time that the cookie sheet that you're using will actually fit in your freezer. This particularly applies if you're using industrial-sized cookie sheets, or have a French-door style freezer-fridge unit. Or if you're like the folks here and fall into *both* categories. Yay extremes!]

When the saber blades are finished, they should pull right off the parchment paper with no real problems. You'll want to deep fry them a few at a time, placing the ones remaining uncooked ones back in the freezer between fryer rounds. When the blades start puffing up really big and ripping open a little bit, they're done. Take them out and let the drain.

While the frying is going on, you can work on getting the candy dip for the hilts ready. Follow whatever instructions come with the melty stuff you bought. Luckily I a nice little fondue pot to help. Okay, it's really more of a cute little baby crockpot, but still.

Not paint. This is not paint. 

You'll want to shoot for something gray, which, in my case, was produced by mixing Wilton Candy Melts of the bright white and black varieties, as adding liquid food coloring to melty candy stuffs can cause it to have all kinds of problems. Just take it easy with the black. You can always add more, and the darkside is quite powerful.

From here, just dunk one end of the fried saber blade into the candy dip, and remove. I usually save the pointy end as the end that *doesn't* go in the candy dip, because the pointy end of a blade is what you have aimed at your adversaries, not yourself. Blades 101. Set the dipped saber on a fresh sheet of parchment paper to let the hilt form.

Optional step: If you want to roll the churros in cinnamon sugar mix, do so before adding the icing accents, but after the hilt has hardened. Be sure to get only the blade in the cinnamon sugar, as getting it on the hilt will make the decorative icing not stick.

All that's left to do is get to doodling with the black accent icing. Add buttons, grips, whatever. But most importantly, have fun. And remember, it's perfectly normal to have to attempt lightsaber construction several times before a successful one is built.

General commentary: the dough made with Pilsbury white cake came out a bit thinner than the red velvet dough, even though the Pilsbury took an entire box, and the red velvet only took one cup. While the laws of the physics governing this elude me, the thinner dough enabled a fatter blade. However, the red velvet generally cooked more evenly with less ripping open in the fryer. Either way, both were delicious.

[Editor's note: Star Wars, Lightsaber, Hulk, Marvel, and pretty much everything else are, through whatever arrangement of companies is the current structure, a property of Disney. Although, if they've got to send someone after us, please at least make it the army of anthropomorphic brooms. I'd love for someone else to do the cleaning around here.]

Cheeseburger Egg Rolls: No Rocks. All Roll.

Back in the day when I was trying to eek my way through college, and for some time afterwards actually, I worked at this little Asian buffet. I spent what was probably waaay too much time ferrying random fried bits back and forth, cleaning them off the floor, and finding them in the oddest of places, courtesy of pint-size baseball pitchers in training. One particularly long work shift, I got the wild notion to see what would happen if we just crammed egg roll wrappers full of scrambled cheeseburger. I now understand how people back in older times felt when they stuck oil.

Huge thanks to Aimee for helping with the original prototype of these

These egg rolls ride pretty much right on the tail of the other night's gyoza, and use mostly the same ingredients, so this is really a great way to use up any extra ingredient bits still lurking around. Or use the gyoza to consume extra ingredients from these. Well, I guess that that's riding on the assumption that there will actually be leftover ingredients. Sometimes miracles happen.

Equipment:

• Frying pan
• Spatula
• Mixing bowl
• Deep fryer with a lid

Ingredients:

• 1lb ground meat
  • As usual, I opted for lean Boston burger because the pork fat keeps it from drying out, but feel free to use whatever.
• 2tsp garlic powder
• 1tsp onion powder
• 5 slices dill pickles, minced
• 1c extra sharp cheddar cheese, finely shredded
• 3 leaves Napa cabbage, minus larger veins, minced
• eggroll wrappers
• pinch of salt
• 2tsp Worcester sauce

Place the meat into the frying pan, on medium heat. At least with the Boston burger, there was no need to pre-grease the pan, but then again, I also use non-stick pans. If you know your pans well, you'll know whether or not you'll need to pre-grease them for this step. Next, you're going to want to do what I call the "scramble fry," which essentially means "pretend you're making taco meat." As the meat is starting to brown, spread the worcester sauce evenly over the top and work it into the meat. 

When the meat is almost done cooking, (like has roughly 3 minutes left), drain off as much fat as you can. Trust me, it won't dry out. You're going to be deep frying these, and if you don't drain it off all the way, you'll be pretty much biting into an oil bomb. But whatever you do, don't drain the grease down the sink. Your plumber will thank you. Their job is crappy enough (yes, I pulled that joke) without adding a miniature fatberg to it. 

[Editor's note: For the sanity of all parties reading this, we're not providing a link for that reference, and if you don't know what we're talking about, don't look it up. You'll regret it, and you won't be able to un-see it.]

Meat. It's what's for dinner.

After successfully topping off your designated grease jar, return the meat to the stove to finish cooking, stirring in the garlic powder, onion powder, and salt. When it's well done, pull it off the heat to let it cool. When it's still warm, but cool enough to handle, transfer the meat to a mixing bowl, and add the cheese, pickles, and cabbage. 

Now for the personality test. Those of you that loved the random goop tables in grade school are going to find this as heaven. Those of you that can't stand getting things on your hands are going to think of this as the other place. 

With everything all in the mixing bowl, squish it all together until all the ingredients are well distributed. Pay attention to this part, as it's really important. Granted, somethings are their own punishment, like hitting a solid bite of pickle and getting your face turned inside out. Unless you're into that kind of thing. Then more power to you, I guess.

Why did I make that plumber reference earlier? Why?

Don't be alarmed if the cheese melts in to the mix, like it did here. Melty cheesy goodness is always a great thing. It'll actually help keep the meat together easier for the egg roll forming.

Now you're set for making the actual egg rolls. As egg roll wrappers vary, consult the manufacturer's instructions for optimal egg roll performance. Whoops, slipped into programmer mode there for a moment. Bad me. Point being is that the people that make their living specifically ensuring that egg rolls can happen can likely provide better instructions on this one than I can, and those little diagrams are super helpful if you're unfamiliar with the process.

Burrito impostors

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to deep fry the freshly-rolled tubes of wonder to a golden brown state. This blog will not self destruct in ten seconds.

Okay, little bit of a PSA here. Deep frying stuff always gets interesting. You either wind up summoning amazing food or a fire elemental. In the event that you should find yourself sparring with the latter of the two, make expeditious use of the fryer lid, or the giant red canister of fire bane, should the lid prove ineffective. As always, don't hesitate to retreat and request assistance from more experienced personnel. 

That having been said, just deep fry the egg rolls until they're golden brown. Everything in them is in an edible state already, so you don't need to worry about getting them "fully cooked." You may need to flip them over if they float up, or, if your fryer is deep enough to do so, one of the things I learned working at the aforementioned Asian buffet was that you can simply place a secondary fryer basket on top the egg rolls to keep them fully submerged.

When they come out, the egg rolls will be harboring a lot of oil in the end folds, but that's easy enough to address.

This is actually a little trick I learned from my mom. That's right mom, if you're reading this, I've just publicly announced that you were right. Not that I was wrong on anything (like I'd ever admit that), but you were right. Enjoy that. 

Rather than putting the egg rolls on paper towels to de-grease, prop them up in a muffin pan. You'll want to turn them other end down after a few minutes, but for the most part, they'll actually drain quite nicely. Pro tip: use metal/foil cup cake liners in the bottom of the pan for easier cleanup. Don't use the paper ones though, as the grease will soak clean through, and the silicone ones just create more things to clean. In both cases, the purpose is defeated.

All that's left now is to eat, possibly with some sort of dipping sauce. My favorite (as pictured at the top) is sour cream with a hint of yellow mustard mixed in. Ketchup also works well, just plain sour cream, sriracha mayo dip, whatever strikes your fancy. Be sure to leave your suggestions in the comments.

Hot Nutella Cocoa: Fitting Pure Awesomeness Into A Cup

Ah, Nutella. You've always been so supportive... always there for me when it's been too hot to effectively drown my sorrows in pints of ice cream, when I can't sleep, and pretty much any time that I have an empty spoon. But tonight, my friend, you get to level up. Tonight, you get to become a beverage.

Now, I know that for some people, making this particular recipe is going to be really expensive, mostly because 9 of the 10 containers bought won't make it back home. But try to contain yourself. Or at the very least, have a designated driver. And maybe some moist towelettes. Yeah, those will probably be a good thing.

What am I doing? I said Nutella and I'm standing between you and it. My bad. Please don't rip my arms off... I'mma move now.

Equipment:

• 4qt Pot
• Stir Spoon
• Cups
  • Or a bucket. I'm not going to judge.

Hot Cocoa:

• 6c whole milk
  • Skim milk won't cut it here
• 4oz (half block) cream cheese, softened
  • Don't get the "fat free" stuff... it doesn't melt right
• 1tbsp vanilla extract
  • If you use the real stuff, you'll likely have to turn this down a bit. I used the fake stuff because I'm a bum.
• 1 c Nutella
• 2 c mini marshmallows

Garnish (Optional):

• Moar Marshmallows!
• Pirouette Cookies
  • For this one, I used the vanilla kind, but I don't think that they make a version that would go poorly with this.

Put the milk, cream cheese, Nutella, and vanilla in the pan, on medium heat. Make sure you put the milk in first, otherwise the Nutella and cream cheese will adhere to the bottom of the pan and make a sticky mess. A delicious sticky mess, but a mess none the less. It also works out better if you cube the cream cheese first, but you can also totally just take out whatever inner frustration you have by mashing it with your stir spoon as it goes about the pan. What can I say? It's cheaper than therapy. Also, while it's tempting, don't use a whisk to get the Nutella and cream cheese mixed in well. You'll just spend most of your time trying to push the bits of cream cheese back out of the whisk.

Remember, you're not working for a boil here, you're just working for warm, to melt the Nutella and cream cheese. It'll take a bit, because, if you're storing your milk properly, it'll be cold when it hits the pan. You'll also want to stir it constantly, because milk is a finicky beast and likes to scorch easily.

Even the ingredients are stoked about Nutella Hot Cocoa

Once all the cream cheese is melted in, add the marshmallows. Yep. You're going to melt them in too. And you're going to have to stir a LOT here, because, as any of you that have ever jousted with Peeps know, heated marshmallows get BIG, *fast*, as you can see:

Just keep stirring, stirring. What do we do? We stir, stir.

When you start reaching the maximum height capacity of the pot you're using, slide the pan off the heat, and keep building your upper body strength until there's no chunks left. Should look about like this:

Now, trust me, you're going to want to let this cool down a bit. First reason is that if you dive into it now, you're going to burn your mouth, spew Nutella goo everywhere, ruin your pajama pants (because who wouldn't be wearing pajama pants while cooking this?), and leave your family members with some very... "interesting" photos to be used against you at a later date.  Secondly, this stuff actually thickens up quite a bit as it cools, courtesy of the marshmallows. Much like wine, it gets better with age. Except that you can still drive after binging on this. You might glue yourself to the wheel, but you'll still be able to drive.

The rest of this is pretty simple. Just put the wonderful chocolatey nectar of the gods into whatever you intend on transporting it to your face with, and garnish appropriately. Whether or not you share it... well, you're old enough to make your own decisions.

[Editor's note: As much as we wished that we owned it, Nutella is a registered brand of Ferrero, who, at this time, neither supports nor endorses this blog. Maybe we'll get lucky and that'll change. No objections here to support payments in jars of Nutella.]