Bacon Rangoons: Not Feeling Crabby Tonight

Whoo, it's good to be back. This week has been crazy! Been having to pretty much marathon various graduations and similar events. Now that I'm back safely out of all the rushing hoards of people, I want to congratulate everyone that leveled up over the last few weeks. Most importantly, though, I want to give a huge high-five to my sister, who made top of her graduating class. You did it kid! Yeah! To celebrate sis's achievements, I'm going to do a feature involving one of her favorite foods: bacon.

Much like the cheeseburger eggrolls I featured a while back, these wonderful deep fried pockets of awesomeness were also the result of having worked at the aforementioned Asian buffet. I can't really do shellfish thanks to that magical property called "allergies," but I love cream cheese. Especially fried cream cheese. Working there was a constant battle between the urge to gorge myself on fried cream cheese and that little whisper that said "Kid, you too broke for a hospital bill. Don't do stupid things." Fast forward through many shifts of self control and sub the meat around, and you get some absolutely delicious crab-free crab-free wonderment.

Equipment:

• Deep fryer With A Lid
• Small Pot
• Whisk
• Knife 
• Cutting Board
• Mixing Bowl and Spoon OR Mixer
  • Long live the Kitchenaid Mixer!
• Small Prep Bowl

Rangoons:

• Egg Roll Wrappers, Quartered
  • Into squares, not strips, unless you've got some really fancy origami planned. Wonton wrappers work as well.
• 8oz Block Cream Cheese, Softened
• 3-4 Sprigs Green Onion, Minced
• 1tsp Garlic Powder
• 2Tbsp Cooked Bacon, Finely Crumbled
  • I was a total bum and went with bacon bits (real bacon, not the textured soy protein ones... no word on if that actually works well). If you want to use bacon strips, you can expedite the crumbling via blender or food processor. Just make sure that you've patted off all the fat and oil first
• Water

Sauce:

• 8Tbsp Apricot Preserves
• 2tsp Soy Sauce
• 1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
• Green Onions, Sliced For Garnish

For the rangoons, put the cream cheese, green onion, garlic, and, the star ingredient, bacon, into your mixing device. Now the important part.  You're either with the machines or with the humans, and your choice of side dictates what power you get to harness. Take a side. Mix the ingredients until well combined.

Once the filling is ready, take about a teaspoon and a half worth of filling and place it in the center of one of the egg roll pieces. Wet down the edges of the wrapper and seal it shut via your choice of folding method. I usually skip the frog shape that most rangoons I've seen seem to channel and head straight for something more dog-head-shaped, mostly because there's less bits to get unevenly cooked or stuck in the fryer basket grating.

I can't look at this without thinking of the "Bacon,
bacon, BACON!!" commercial. Fitting, if you ask me.

You've got plenty of time to get creative with your folding method and polish it as needed, since the innards mix is going to last for quite a bit. The biggest thing is just making sure that the edges are fully sealed, or else you're going to wind up having to scrape burnt on cheesy bits off the inside of the deep fryer. Blegh. Trust me, you don't want to do that. Seal these puppies (pun only somewhat intended) like your life depends on it. Several hours of it may.

Once you've finished out your ranks, you can start frying. Make sure that these don't get stuck together in the fryer basket... it gets kind of hairy if that happens. Okay, not hairy. More like mutated and conjoined. That's the more accurate words for it. It'll only take a few minutes for the frying to complete. Golden brown is what you're shooting for. When they're done, let them drain. My favorite method is on a cooling rack with a towel beneath. 

Now, the sauce for these things is optional. They're quite good as is. The sauce is really sweet, but I thought it brought out the flavor of the bacon. Once again, I've been assisted by my army of minions in making this particular condiment. Not entirely sure that this is what Aimee meant when she suggested the ingredient list, but I felt that it turned out well. Thanks again, kid!

The key part with the sauce is not letting the rangoons get cold while making it. And you can't really make it ahead of time, as the fruit pectin in the preserves causes it to thicken up very quickly as it cools down (and thus is best served hot). As a matter of fact, it's probably best to summon your own minion assistance (of valid assisting age) take over either the rangoon frying or the sauce making, so that both can be completed at the same time.

Put the apricot preserves into the pot on low, whisking constantly. As the preserves melt, you'll want to pick out the bigger pieces of fruit. Pretty much, if you go with a cheap jar of preserves that mostly has purreed fruit, your job here is going to be much easier. When everything's all melty and defruitified, whisk in the soy sauce and the garlic powder. Pour out and consume when it reaches a safe temperature, garnishing with green onions if desired. 

Lastly, you've just got to endure the feud that will inevitably break out over the last piece. Or, for those of you more survival-oriented, you could totally abide by rule number one and grab the plate and high tail it to an isolated location to eat in peace. Just remember to limber up first.